Books that I love - Till We Have Faces

One of my favorite books is Till We Have Faces.
Click the link to learn more about it.
Till We Have Faces: A retelling of a classic myth

Barnes & Noble's Cyber Monday Sales in Books

Last minute gifts for the lit lovers out there. Read about Barnes & Noble's Cyber Monday Sales in Books

Biting the Sun by Tanith Lee provides socially relevent comentary

Here is one of my favorite books that I have read in a long time. Click Review of Biting the Sun by Tanith Lee provides socially relevent comentaryto read the commentary on the novel.

Easy Answer.

There has to be a simple answer to the question: did you grow up with brothers. There has to be... and yet there isn't.
If I say no.. then its a lie.
But if I say yes... they might ask me about him.. in which case what do I say. I'd have to tell the truth and that is not easy for me.
Yes. I had an older brother. But he died two years ago. That's the simple, honest truth and it is more information than people want. They don't want to know because most people don't know what to say.

On poetry

I have never had such a reaction to a poem before until I read
William Carlos Williams "Death". Each new stanza swelled into the next until I my heart was pounding and I wanted to cry.
My heart was beating so hard it felt like it was going to stop beating at any moment. So hard that everyone should have felt it. It hurt my heart to hear the words, and yet I couldn't escape. Didn't want to escape. I have never felt something such a strong pull from a poem before. Never felt the meaning so deep down in my bones. Knew exactly what emotion every line was referring to. I never understood a poem the first time I heard it. But this one.. I got. The very marrow of my bones felt the sorrow in his words. The anguish. The angry.

William Carlos Williams "Death" (Williams refers to his father's death in 1918)

He's dead
the dog won't have to
sleep on his potatoes
any more to keep them
from freezing

he's dead
the old bastard -
he's a bastard because

there's nothing
legitimate in him any
more
he's dead
he's sick-dead

he's
a godforsaken curio
without
any breath in it

he's nothing at all
he's dead
shrunken up to skin

Put his head on
one chair and his
feet on another and
he'll lie there
like an acrobat -

Love's beaten. He
beat it. That's why
he's insufferable -

because
he's here needing a
shave and making love
an inside howl
of anguish and defeat -

he's come out of the man
and he's let
the man go -
the liar

Dead
his eyes
rolled up out of
the light - a mockery

which
love cannot touch -

just bury it
and hide its face
for shame.

Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written."

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

My theory

Here is my theory:

A few days ago my mom was whistling the song "If I only had a brain" from the Wizard of OZ. "I wonder why that song is stuck in my head," she said.
"I don't know. Maybe because you are happy," I replied.
"Do you ever feel guilty for being happy?"
"No. Do you?"
"All the time."
"Why?"
"I don't have the right to be happy."
"Yes you do. In fact, you have more of a right to be happy."
"Then who?"
"Then people who have never lost anyone."
"You're right. I should celebrate life. Thank you Katie. Thank you."
"You're welcome." I said shyly and my mom went back to whistling. I joined in.

That's my theory anyway. If you have lost someone, you have more of a right to be happy then someone who has never lost anyone, someone who hasn't been sick with cancer or face death in some way. A lot of my friends think movies where dogs die are the saddest movie they ever saw. Try watching a movie where a sister has to watch her brother die a few months after your brother died and then try telling me that the movie "Marley and Me" is sad. One of my friends was telling me how sad it was and I told her that it wasn't. And then she asked me if I had every lost a dog. So I told her. Yes. And a brother, aunt, grandfather, 2 dogs and 2 cats. She apologized.

Scared

I am scared. Scared of falling. It doesn't matter what it is, I am scared.
If I am on top of a rock, I start to tremble so much that I am afraid to move, to jump across to the next rock. It means that I am afraid to trust people, I am afraid that they will drop me and I will fall to the ground. In my life, I haven't trusted too many people not to let me fall. I can count it on one hand. And surprisingly, there are a few people that I am surprised to make the list. There is one guy who I trust with anything and yet most days I absolutely hate him. But if he offers his hand, I know that he won't drop me. Its a little crazy who you trust and I am not sure why I trust him.

Photography

Lately I've been getting into photography. So much so that I got my dad's old slr camera fixed and I bought a new DSLR camera. To celebrate, I have started a new project. Starting January 1, 2010, I decided that I would take one photo a day. I am very excited about the project.

I hate the holidays

i really really hate the holidays. i start to get depressed about a month before christmas. i can feel it start happening just before thanksgiving. this feeling that i just have to escape. that i need to carve out a space of my own and hide within it.

I hate that...

I hate that every time I go to sleep, I can’t help but remember you and me.
I hate that I want to tell you about everything that happens in my life,
I hate how much I still love you
Despite all of my best efforts
I hate that I broke your heart because you were slowly breaking mine
This is what I know.
You are in every breath that I breathe
You are in every thought

Funny

It's funny. The more you try, the less offers that you get. For awhile I was passively looking for someone to date. Someone fun and quirky. And then I stopped looking. Work and school just got too hectic for me and I would rather sleep then go out with friends. Monday I got two different offers from guys to go out. And then Wednesday one of the guys asked if I wanted to go out to eat or drinks. I felt bad for him so I agreed to go out with him on Saturday. And on Sunday I have a double date with someone else. The minute you stop looking, something finds you. Now all I need is a date for Friday night and it will be a good weekend no matter what happens.

At the same time, I know that if you were to sign up with a site like eharmony, you would find a lot of potential dates. You would be looking and you would find someone. But the idea of finding someone online kind of scares me.

Questioning

Here are a few questions that I have always had.. What is the difference between like and love? Like is such a puny thing when compared to love... and yet, you making this huge jump between like and love. And if it is more then liking and less than love, what do you call it? I always call it falling. You know there is going to be one thing that is going to push you over the edge and into the abyss known as love. And then, what is the difference between love and in love? It is a huge difference. But linguistically its such a small difference. It is just one word. One tiny, two lettered word. But mathmatecally it is a huge jump. You'd do anything for someone that you are truly in love with. And how do you know if someone is the one? What is "the one"? If you don't know what the one is, how do you know if you have found him?

I miss this

I miss having a guy that I can tell everything to. Like the other day, I went fishing for the first time in my life and I didn't have a boyfriend to tell it to. I was so tempted to tell an ex about it because he would be so impressed. But at the same time, I didn't want to bother him. I didn't want to make him think about me unnecessarily. But I know he would be proud and that he would have never expected it of me.
So it got me thinking, that if I am not careful I will end up with a boyfriend just so that I will have someone to tell things to late at night. So that at 10pm I can go to bed and talk to him for a half hour about everything that is happening in my life. Because that right there is what I miss the most. Lying in his arms and telling him about my day. About my life. About my past. Things that I have never told anyone before. I miss that.

I hate nagging

This is what I don't understand. Girls who are constantly nagging their boyfriend, wanting them to check in. I've never once asked a boyfriend to call me and tell me where he is. And because of that, I have always had boyfriends who tell me what they are doing. Sometimes they call and tell me what they are doing that night and they want to know what I am doing. And the girls that nag their boyfriends? They only know what their boyfriend is doing when they call and ask them about ten times. It seems to me that if you act like you don't care, the information will come your way.

Or what about asking your boyfriend to pay more attention to you. It seems very desperate to me to ask him to pay more attention. If I ever feel slightly neglected, I won't pay as much attention to him. I pay less attention to me then he does to me. And what do I get? I have a boyfriend who is super attentive. Kissing me and getting me a drink. Problem solved. And what about the girls who were asking for more attention? Still asking.

Sometimes Goodbye is a Second Chance

Tell my mother,Tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize
This is my life
I hope they understand
I'm not angry, I'm just saying...
Sometimes goodbye
Is a second chance

This is one of my favorite chorus from a song (keep in mind that I love music, so I have a lot of favorite lines, songs, and choruses). I think that in life you have as many chances as you want to have a better life. It's not just one chance. You can leave everything you know behind and give yourself a second chance. Saying goodbye to everything that you know doesn't have to be a bad thing. It gives you a chance at a better life. So I think that we should all take a step back and make sure that the life we have is the one that we want. If it isn't, then do everything that you can to change it and make your life the version that you want it to be.

Society Says

This is something that I have been thinking about lately. Sometimes it seems like everything would just be easier if I would just go along with what society seems to want and find myself a boyfriend. A few weeks ago, when I was kissing Jack, I thought, it would just be easier if I went along with it. It wasn't something that I wanted, but if I just agreed with him, it would have made him happier and would have made the entire situation less awkward.
Everything that I know seems to be telling me one thing: get a boyfriend. But what if a boyfriend is the last thing that I want?

Treat me Right

I don't know about you, but the more that I see my friends in relationships, the less I want a boyfriend. It just seems to me that my friends are settling. They are with someone who just doesn't seem to treat them right.
Like today, I was with one of my best friends and her boyfriend, and he kept on yelling at her and at one point she responded to him when he said bitch (he was talking about a woman in the car next to us, but she responded). It just seems like she doesn't respect herself enough if she is with him. If my boyfriend called me a bitch, especially in front of my friends, he would get an ear full and maybe even a smack on the face.
It comes down to this. If you let someone walk all over you, you aren't secure with yourself. You constantly yearn to be in a relationship because that is where you feel happy. But you can never truly be happy unless you are secure with yourself.

First Kiss

I still remember my first kiss. I was 16 and we drove all around Upland trying to find a hotel party. I had a few drinks and for the first time in my life, I was drunk. I was lying on one of the beds, my arm pushed against Raven's. Raven was a girl I went to high school with and she was making out with my best friend, Marie. All of the guys were watching them and taking pictures on their cell phones. My eyes were closed, when all of the sudden, Raven's lips were on mine. It lasted for about a second, but the boys were still egging her on when she leaned down for a second kiss.

Perfection

I'm never going to claim that he was perfect because nobody is. It is the imperfections that we fall in love with. I love the way that he knew when something was wrong and he always knew exactly how to make me talk. He would drive me absolutely insane until I wanted to beat him up, then I would tell him what was wrong and he would just hold me. He was my first love and I wish I never had to say goodbye, but not being able to see him was breaking my heart.
He would always tell me that I would see him soon. He would say that the last month in June he would come out here. And then July came and I still hadn't seem him. I would get so excited and then my heart would fall and I would be in the car crying my eyes out afraid that I would never get to see him.
To this day, I still love him. My heart still skips a beat when I hear his name. And then I have to remind myself that they aren't even talking about him. Its someone else. I still get nervous when I talk to him and I always wish that I could hold him one more time.